(WellnessPursuits.com) – It’s easy to get lost in the excitement of wedding planning. But before you get too invested in wedding cake tastings and engagement photo shoots, take a step back and ask yourself if you’ll be saying “I do” to the right person at the right time.
For most of us, the goal is to marry once. The thought of a painful divorce is the furthest thing from our minds when we’re in love with being in love. While it’s normal to get cold feet, it’s also possible that you might be rushing to the altar before you’re ready. Here are 10 warning signs it may be too soon to tie the knot:
- You care more about the wedding than the marriage itself. Many people, women especially, dream about their wedding day. From the princess dress to the first dance song, the idea can be like something out of a fairytale. But if you’re more caught up in the Cinderella story version of your wedding than the marriage itself, you might be marrying the wrong person. Remember that a wedding lasts one day, while a marriage may last the better part of a lifetime. If you’re not sure if you can picture yourself with this person in 5, 10 or 20 years, you might want to call the wedding off for now.
- You can’t seem to compromise. Are you used to having your way all the time? Whether it’s where you’ll spend vacations, whose family to visit for the holidays or what type of takeout to order, there are going to be times when you won’t agree — and that’s okay. According to Marriage.com, compromise is key to a healthy relationship. Agreeing to order pizza this week and Chinese food next week or going to visit your family for Thanksgiving and her family for Christmas will come naturally with the right person. If you can’t seem to give up what you want to make your partner happy, too, then you may not be ready to get married.
- You’re always fighting. No relationship is perfect. There are going to be disagreements from time to time. But if you and your significant other are fighting more often than you’re not, or if you don’t fight fair, it might be a good idea to postpone your nuptials.
- You don’t have the same ideals. Your beliefs, values and goals should align with your partner’s. It’s important to be on the same page about children (and how to raise them), spending and saving money, travel and all of the other big issues. If you want to have children soon, while your partner isn’t sure if they ever want kids, this might be a huge red flag.
- You haven’t been together for a long time. Statistics show that couples who date for fewer than 2 years are more likely to get divorced, according to Essence. If you haven’t been together this long, you might want to hold off before tying the knot. Remember: If it’s meant to be, you’ll have the rest of your lives to spend together, so there’s probably no reason to rush.
- You don’t trust each other. You might be madly in love with your partner, but if you don’t trust each other, it’s best to postpone the wedding. A marriage won’t last if you both don’t fully trust each other. If your intuition tells you something is “off,” it probably is. You can still address your trust issues and make the relationship last, but The List suggests counseling and a lot of work on both ends before you jump the broom.
- Your partner is pressuring you to get married. Are you getting married because your partner has given you an ultimatum? A healthy marriage should be based on a mutual desire to tie the knot. If you’re only thinking of saying “I do” because your partner is pressuring or forcing you to, or vice versa, it’s time to think again.
- You think marriage will change the relationship. Do you think getting married will make you happier? Do you think it will stop your partner’s wandering eye or make him or her open to children? If so, cancel those wedding invitations. You should only get married if you accept your partner as they are, or you’ll likely be in for a world of disappointment.
- You’re getting married out of convenience. Are you getting married for health insurance, tax benefits or to split the bills with someone — even though you’re not in love with them? If so, the relationship is doomed to failure in the long run.
- You’re settling. Maybe you feel like you’re never going to find someone “better,” so you figure you might as well settle for your partner. It’s important to marry someone who you can’t envision yourself without — someone you’re completely in love with. It’s not fair to you or your partner to get married if you’re not completely in love or happy with the relationship.
Marriage between two people who love one another can be one of the most life-affirming choices they make. It may be critical to your happiness and your partner’s to make sure you’re not rushing to the altar before you’re ready. And remember, these warning signals may not always be a “Stop” sign so much as a “Slow, Proceed with Caution” sign on your way to saying “I do.”
~Here’s to Your Healthy Pursuits!
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