A lot of us think we have a decent idea of what the men in our lives want, but do we really? Men and women can be wired so differently, sometimes we might as well be speaking different languages. Need a little help deciphering the male mind? You’re not alone. Thank goodness we have a slew of researchers, psychologists and sex therapists to help us out.
A study conducted at the University of Rochester studied the effect color had on attraction. Researchers showed the men photos of women, each framed in either red or white. They asked the men questions about how attractive they felt the women were and how much they’d be willing to spend going out on dates.
The men found the women framed in red to be more attractive, more sexually desirable, and more expensive as dates. We know it isn’t all about money, but it is interesting to know how a perception of attractiveness motivates men. Interestingly, frame color didn’t affect men’s assumptions of women’s intelligence or personal character.
Be Playful and Sexy
Men want to feel energized and captivated by their partners. Dress provocatively, just for him. Be confident in your sexual interactions and reasonably open to experimentation. Communicate your needs (men find this to be a turn-on), and allow him to communicate his. Remember, even grown men (and women) need to play — so have fun with it. Men appreciate novelty, especially in the bedroom. It doesn’t just benefit him though. Exploring your own sexuality will not only enhance your own sex life, but give you the independence to explore other areas of yourself.
While a healthy sex life is important to most men, so is feeling loved, needed, and appreciated. Offer reminders of how much you value him for who he is, and not just what he brings to the table. He needs to know what he means to you every bit as you need to know what you mean to him. A small amount of appreciation can go a long way.
Imaging has shown real differences in how the brains of men develop thoughts and memories. Interestingly, those areas with the biggest differences — the hippocampus, vital for long-term memory storage, and the amygdala, which processes emotional memory — also have unusually high number of sex hormone receptors. It turns out that women are truly wired to be more emotional, whereas men process and store emotional information using the opposite side of the amygdala. This may offer some insight into how we process and recall intimate memories.
Because we do have these differences, we need to be understanding of them. Could this difference in wiring, for example, be responsible for differences in how we view sex, love, and various types of stimuli? How can we use these differences as a basis to better understand one another?
Men might not always tell you want they want, but they do have common needs. While we do have our differences, we have more in common than not. By appealing to his hard-wired desires, you open up other avenues that will ultimately fortify your relationship. Let it build from there.
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